Monday, March 5, 2018

Month 2

My outlook and experience in Japan has followed the season. My first month, January, was a cold, harsh reality; unforgiving to the inexperienced yet held moments of serene beauty. My second month, February, is beginning to warm up, but going through an awkward transition. Much like the weather, I have not yet warmed up enough to be comfortable, and the cold reality of being out of my element still makes up most of the day. Yet, the sun is coming out, snow is showing signs of a retreat, and paths once difficult to pass are easier to navigate. The paths, once obscured by a heavy blanket of ambiguity and illegible cultural ques, have been traversed enough where my mental map has been drawn and my internal compass leads the way. I look forward to a spring of fresh starts, blossoms of new friendships and routines, and a summer of exuberance and celebration.

I have had enough classes where I understand the dynamics between myself and the Japanese Teachers of English (JTE from here on out) for each class is. In my larger elementary school, I am the primary instructor and the JTEs are there to provide translation and facilitate group activities. I learned this after having my first lessons start out by the teachers giving me a panicked “well, do something!” look. In my smaller elementary school, JTEs take a slightly more active role in lesson planning  but are not fluent enough in English to feel comfortable teaching an entire lesson as the lead. My junior high school, where instructors teach one subject, I am more of a side-man. I am there to provide native accent, conversational practice, and be a model of just how big western noses can be. Now that I understand my primary role in the classroom, work has become less of a “flying on the seat of my pants” experience. 

Making a weekly “treat yo self” trip the local hot spring (onsen) is the world’s third most affordable luxury, after coffee and tea, respectively. I’m convinced there is nothing more relaxing than boiling in a vat of volcanic activity with a bunch of old, grunting, naked Japanese dudes. You really can’t put a price on that, but the entrance fee is only 350 yen. It’s a chance to get a decent shave, pick-your-poison hot water bath (your choice between still, jacuzzi, or slightly electrified), and listen to the soothing sounds of a genre of music I can only describe as “Japanese video game composers trying to figure out jazz”. 

I am glad to have started these routines because other aspects of my life have been anything but. I am fighting a black mold problem in my poorly ventilated shower room. After showering, I was having asthma-like symptoms, and upon further investigation, I discovered a colony of black mold in a crevice of the shower door. I believe this was the culprit of my sickness. I quickly quarantined the room with “Kabi Killer”, and promptly went to the doctors. I’m sure I gave the doctors water cooler (No one drinks water. Tea kettle?) material for months: A foreigner bursting in mumbling something about “breathing mold” and showing them his questionably translated symptoms on his iPhone. I like to imagine I sounded like Collin in the Secret Garden (“The spores! The spores! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kS-Ni3vzXSs ). Something must have gotten across, because I was prescribed a mouthful of pills to be taken three times a day, and they seem to be helping.

I left America with the thought that the worst that could happen is that I realize how much I appreciate my family, friends, and my own culture. That is the best worst-case scenario to have. I believe this is happening. Most days I wish I were home. While my work is not stressful, and most day-to-day activities have become routine, I have realized how important my friendships are back home. I have also realized that the things I want to do in Japan are not contingent on living here. Many people come to Japan to start new lives as expats, but I don’t believe I am one of them. My long-term life goals cannot be achieved in Japan. It took coming here to realize that, so I am glad I took a chance and came here. I have plenty of time and space to think about what I really want out of life, and I believe even just 7 months in Japan will leave me feeling refreshed and ready to work on creating the life I want.

Like most 20 somethings, I’m still figuring out what I “want to do with my life” (whatever that means). I have learned that the only way to know if something is right for you is to experience it yourself. I am a Meyers-Briggs INTP (one of the most eye opening things for me, I highly recommend this site: https://www.16personalities.com). I mostly live inside my head. I often write things off as not for me before actually experiencing them. I create how I want things to be in my mind and then I am disappointed when reality is different than my own mental construct. Therapy and zen meditation has helped me to start experiencing, rather than thinking. Had I not come to Japan, my mind may have created an idealized image of what it would have been like, where Japan is nothing but City Pop, green tea, and cool vintage guitars. I would have suffered because I would have never found that mental image. However, I did come to Japan, and I know what my experience is. I’ll never wake up wondering what it would have been like, because I will have done it and experienced it. I am finding what I looked for in Japan, but also finding surprises, and dealing with things just not going the way I want them to sometimes. That’s life though: For every cool 80’s Fender Japan-exclusive guitar, there is also plague-like mold, out of shape salarymen hanging out with nothing but a little hand towel on their head, and people staring at you as if you were a zoo animal. The only true reality is that which is, and I’m choosing to accept it.


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